셜록 시즌1 1화 대본

SHERLOCK

S01E01 A STUDY IN PINK

 

Therapist: How's your blog going?

블로그는 어떻게 되어가고 있나요?

John Watson: Yeah, good, very good.

좋아요.

Therapist: You haven't written a word, have you?

한 글자도 쓰지 않았잖아요?

John Watson: You just wrote "still has trust issues"

“여전히 신뢰문제가 있다”라고 썼군요.

Therapist: And you read my writing upside down. You see what I mean? John, you're a soldier and it's going to take you a while to adjust to civilian life and writing a blog about everything that happens to you will honestly help you.

당신은 제가 쓰는 걸 관찰했구요. 무슨 뜻인지 알겠어요 존? 당신은 군인이에요. 민간인 생활에 적응하려면 시간이 걸릴 거에요. 그래서 당신에게 일어나는 모든 일을 블로그에 쓰는 게 도움이 될 거에요.

John Watson: Nothing happens to me.

저에게는 아무 일도 일어나지 않아요.

 

Jeffrey Patterson: What do you mean there's no ruddy car?

지저분한 차가 없다니 무슨 소리야?

Woman: He went to Waterloo, I'm sorry. Get a cab!

워털루에 갔었어. 미안해. 택시 잡아!

Jeffrey Patterson: I never get cabs!

난 택시 안 타!

Woman: I love you.

사랑해

Jeffrey Patterson: When?

언제?

Woman: Get a cab!

택시나 잡아!

 

Margaret Patterson: My husband was a happy man who lived life to the full. He loved his family and his work, and that he should have taken his own life in this way is a mystery and a shock to all who knew him.

남편은 인생을 마음껏 사는 행복한 사람이었어요. 그는 가족과 자신의 일을 사랑했고, 이런 식을 자신의 목숨을 끊었어야 했다고 하는 것은 그를 알 고 있는 모든 사람들에게 미스테리와 충격이에요.

 

James Phillimore: Taxi, taxi! I'll be just two minutes, mate.

택시, 택시! 2분만 기다려

Boy: What?

뭐?

James Phillimore: I'm just going home to get my umbrella.

우산을 가지러 집에 갈거야

Boy: You can share mine.

내꺼 같이 써

James Phillimore: Two minutes, all right?

2분 밖에 안걸려

 

Man: She still dancing?

그녀는 여전히 춤을 추나요?

Woman: Yeah, if you can call it that.

네, 그렇게 부를 수 있다면

Man: Did you get the car keys off her?

그 여자한테서 차 열쇠 가져왔어?

Woman: Got them out of her bag.

가방에서 꺼내왔어.

Man: Where is she?

그녀는 어딨어?

 

Sally Donovan: The body of Beth Davenport, Junior Minister for Transport was found late last night on a building site in Greater London.

교통부 장관인 베스 데이븐포트의 시신은 어젯밤 늦게 대런던의 한 건물터에서 발견되었습니다.

Preliminary investigations suggest that this was suicide.

예비 조사 결과 자살인 것으로 밝혀졌습니다.

We can confirm that this apparent suicide closely resembles those of Sir Jeffrey Patterson and James Phillimore.

우리는 이 명백한 자살이 제프리 패터슨과 제임스 필러슨의 자살과 유사하다는 것을 확인할 수 있었습니다.

In the light of this, these incidents are now being treated as linked.

이것에 비추어 볼 때, 이러한 사건들은 현재 연계된 것으로 보인다.

The investigation is ongoing but Detective Inspector Lestrade will take questions now.

수사는 아직 진행중이지만 레스트레이드 경감이 질문을 받겠습니다.

 

Reporter: Detective Inspector, how can suicides be linked?

형사님, 자살은 어떻게 연관될 수 있는 겁니까?

Lestrade: Well, they all took the same poison. 음. 두 사건의 피해자 모두 같은 독을 먹었습니다.

They were all found in places they had no reason to be.

그리고 있을 이유가 없는 곳에서 발견되었습니다.

None of them had shown any prior indication.

그리고 어느 누구도 사전 징후를 보이지 않았습니다.

Reporter: But you can't have serial suicides.

하지만 연쇄 자살은 있을 수 없습니다.

Lestrade: Well, apparently you can.

음, 그럴 수 있어 보이는데요.

Reporter: These three people, there's nothing that links them?

이 세 사람의 연결점은 없나요?

Lestrade: There's no link we've found yet but we're looking for it. There has to be one.

연결점은 찾을 수 없었습니다만 계속 찾고 있고, 반드시 한 가지 있을 겁니다.

[TEXT MESSAGE] Wrong!

Sally Donovan: If you've all got texts, please ignore them.

문자를 받으셨다면, 무시하세요.

Reporter: It just says "Wrong".

틀렸다는데요?

Sally Donovan: Well, just ignore that.

그냥, 무시하세요.

If there are no more questions, I'm going to bring this session to an end.

 

Reporter: If they're suicides, what are you investigating?

Lestrade: As I say, these suicides are clearly linked. It's an unusual situation, we've got our best people investigating.

[TEXT MESSAGE] Wrong!

Reporter: Says "Wrong" again.

Sally Donovan: One more question.

Reporter: Is there any chance that these are murders? And if they are, is this the work of a serial killer?

Lestrade: I know that you like writing about these but these do appear to be suicides. We know the difference. The poison was clearly self-administered.

Reporter: Yes, but if they are murders, how do people keep themselves safe?

Lestrade: Well, don't commit suicide.

Sally Donovan: Daily Mail!

Lestrade: This is a frightening time for people but all anyone has to do is exercise reasonable precautions. We are all as safe as we want to be.

[TEXT MESSAGE] Wrong!

[TEXT MESSAGE] You know where to find me. SH

Lestrade: Thank you.

Sally Donovan: You've got to stop him doing that. He's making us look like idiots.

Lestrade: If you can tell me how he does it, I'll stop him.

 

Mike Stamford: John! John Watson! Stamford, Mike Stamford. We were at Barts together.

John Watson: Yes, sorry, yes, Mike, hello.

Mike Stamford: Yes, I know, I got fat.

John Watson: No, no.

Mike Stamford: I heard you were abroad somewhere getting shot at. What happened?

John Watson: I got shot. Are you still at Barts then?

Mike Stamford: Teaching now, yeah, bright young things like we used to be. God, I hate them. What about you, just staying in town till you get yourself sorted?

John Watson: I can't afford London on an Army pension.

Mike Stamford: Couldn't bear to be anywhere else. That's not the John Watson I know.

John Watson: I'm not the John Watson.

Mike Stamford: Couldn't Harry help?

John Watson: Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Mike Stamford: I don't know, get a flatshare or something?

John Watson: Who'd want me for a flatmate? What?

Mike Stamford: You're the second person to say that to me today.

John Watson: Who was the first?

 

Sherlock Holmes: How fresh?

Molly Hooper: Just in. 67, natural causes. Used to work here. I knew him, he was nice.

Sherlock Holmes: Fine. We'll start with the riding crop.

 

Molly Hooper: So, bad day was it?

Sherlock Holmes: I need to know what bruises form in the next 20 minutes. A man's alibi depends on it. Text me.

Molly Hooper: Listen, I was wondering. Maybe later, when you're finished...

Sherlock Holmes: You're wearing lipstick. You weren't wearing lipstick before.

Molly Hooper: I refreshed it a bit.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, you were saying?

Molly Hooper: I was wondering if you'd like to have coffee?

Sherlock Holmes: Black, two sugars, please. I'll be upstairs.

Molly Hooper: OK.

 

John Watson: Bit different from my day.

Mike Stamford: You've no idea.

Sherlock Holmes: Mike, can I borrow your phone? There's no signal on mine.

Mike Stamford: And what's wrong with the landline?

Sherlock Holmes: I prefer to text.

Mike Stamford: Sorry, it's in my coat.

John Watson: Here, use mine.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, thank you.

Mike Stamford: This is an old friend of mine, John Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: Afghanistan or Iraq?

John Watson: Sorry?

Sherlock Holmes: Which was it, in Afghanistan or Iraq?

John Watson: Afghanistan. Sorry, how did you know?

Sherlock Holmes: Ah! Coffee. Thank you. What happened to the lipstick?

Molly Hooper: It wasn't working for me.

Sherlock Holmes: Really? It was a big improvement. Your mouth's too small now.

Molly Hooper: OK.

Sherlock Holmes: How do you feel about the violin?

John Watson: I'm sorry, what?

Sherlock Holmes: I play the violin when I'm thinking and sometimes I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you? Potential flatmates should know the worst about each other.

John Watson: You told him about me?

Mike Stamford: Not a word.

John Watson: Who said anything about flatmates?

Sherlock Holmes: I did. Told Mike this morning that I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for. Now here he is just after lunch with an old friend clearly just home from military service in Afghanistan. Wasn't a difficult leap.

John Watson: How did you know about Afghanistan?

Sherlock Holmes: Got my eye on a nice little place in central London. We ought to be able to afford it. We'll meet there tomorrow evening, seven o'clock. Sorry, got to dash. I think I left my riding crop in the mortuary.

John Watson: Is that it?

Sherlock Holmes: Is that what?

John Watson: We've only just met and we're going to go and look at a flat?

Sherlock Holmes: Problem?

John Watson: We don't know a thing about each other. I don't know where we're meeting, I don't even know your name.

Sherlock Holmes: I know you're an Army doctor and you've been invalided home from Afghanistan. You've got a brother worried about you but you won't go to him for help because you don't approve of him, possibly because he's an alcoholic, more likely because he recently walked out on his wife. And I know that your therapist thinks your limp's psychosomatic, quite correctly, I'm afraid. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think?

The name's Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221B Baker Street. Afternoon.

Mike Stamford: Yeah, he's always like that.

 

[TEXT MESSAGE] Messages – Sent : If brother has green ladder arrest brother. SH

 

Sherlock Holmes: Hello.

John Watson: Ah – Mr. Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: Sherlock, please.

John Watson: Well, this is a prime spot. Must be expensive.

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, the landlady -she's given me a special deal. Owes me a favour. A few years back, her husband got himself sentenced to death in Florida. I was able to help out.

John Watson: Sorry – you stopped her husband being executed?

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no, I ensured it.

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock!

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, Dr. John Watson.

Mrs. Hudson: Hello. Come in.

John Watson: Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: Shall we...?

John Watson: Well, this could be very nice. Very nice indeed.

Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Yes, I think so, my thoughts precisely.

TOGETHER: So I went straight ahead and moved in. Soon as we get all this rubbish cleaned out...

John Watson: So this is all...

Sherlock Holmes: Well, obviously I can erm...straighten things up a bit.

John Watson: That's a skull.

Sherlock Holmes: Friend of mine. When I say friend...

Mrs. Hudson: What do you think, then, Dr. Watson? There's another bedroom upstairs, if you'll be needing two bedrooms.

John Watson: Of course we'll be needing two.

Mrs. Hudson: Oh, don't worry, there's all sorts round here. Mrs. Turner next door's got (married ones). Oh...Sherlock! The mess you've made.

John Watson: I looked you up on the internet last night.

Sherlock Holmes: Anything interesting?

John Watson: Found your website. The Science of Deduction.

Sherlock Holmes: What did you think?

John Watson: You said you could identify a software designer by his tie and an airline pilot by his left thumb?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes. And I can read your military career in your face and your leg, and your brother's drinking habits on your mobile phone.

John Watson: How?

Mrs. Hudson: What about these suicides then, Sherlock? I thought that'd be right up your street.

Three exactly the same.

Sherlock Holmes: Four. There's been a fourth. And there's something different this time.

Mrs. Hudson: A fourth?

Sherlock Holmes: Where?

Lestrade: Brixton, Lauriston Gardens.

Sherlock Holmes: What's new about this one? You wouldn't have come to me otherwise.

Lestrade: You know how they never leave notes?

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah.

Lestrade: This one did. Will you come?

Sherlock Holmes: Who's on forensics?

Lestrade: Anderson.

Sherlock Holmes: He doesn't work well with me.

Lestrade: Well, he won't be your assistant.

Sherlock Holmes: I NEED an assistant.

Lestrade: Will you come?

Sherlock Holmes: Not in a police car, I'll be right behind.

Lestrade: Thank you.

Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant! Yes! Four serial suicides, and now a note. Oh, it's Christmas. Mrs. Hudson, I'll be late. Might need some food.

Mrs. Hudson: I'm your landlady, dear, not your housekeeper.

Sherlock Holmes: Something cold will do. John, have a cup of tea, make yourself at home. Don't wait up!

Mrs. Hudson: Look at him, dashing about... My husband was just the same. But you're more the sitting-down type, I can tell. I'll make you that cuppa, you rest your leg.

John Watson: Damn my leg! Sorry, I'm so sorry - It's just sometimes this bloody thing...

Mrs. Hudson: I understand, dear, I've got a hip.

John Watson: Cup of tea'd be lovely. Thank you.

Mrs. Hudson: Just this once, dear, I'm not your housekeeper.

John Watson: Couple of biscuits too, if you've got 'em.

Mrs. Hudson: Not your housekeeper!

Sherlock Holmes: You're a doctor. In fact you're an Army doctor.

John Watson: Yes.

Sherlock Holmes: Any good?

John Watson: Very good.

Sherlock Holmes: Seen a lot of injuries, then. Violent deaths.

John Watson: Well, yes.

Sherlock Holmes: Bit of trouble too, I bet?

John Watson: Of course. Yes. Enough for a lifetime, far too much.

Sherlock Holmes: Want to see some more?

John Watson: Oh, God, yes.

John Watson: Sorry Mrs. Hudson, I'll skip the tea. Off out.

Mrs. Hudson: Both of you?

Sherlock Holmes: Impossible suicides? Four of them? No point sitting at home when there's finally something fun going on!

Mrs. Hudson: Look at you, all happy. It's not decent.

Sherlock Holmes: Who cares about decent? The game, Mrs. Hudson, is on! Taxi!

 

Sherlock Holmes: OK, You've got questions...

John Watson: Yeah, where are we going?

Sherlock Holmes: Crime scene. Next?

John Watson: Who are you, what do you do?

Sherlock Holmes: What do you think?

John Watson: I'd say...private detective.

Sherlock Holmes: But?

John Watson: But the police don't go to private detectives.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm a consulting detective. Only one in the world, I invented the job.

John Watson: What does that mean?

Sherlock Holmes: Means when the police are out of their depth, which is always, they consult me.

John Watson: The police don't consult amateurs.

Sherlock Holmes: When I met you for the first time yesterday, I said Afghanistan or Iraq. You looked surprised.

John Watson: Yes, how did you know?

Sherlock Holmes: I didn't know, I saw. Your haircut, the way you hold yourself says military. But your conversation... 'Bit different from my day.’ ..said trained at Barts -so Army doctor, obvious. Your face is tanned... but no tan above the wrists. You've been abroad, but not sunbathing. Your limp's really bad when you walk, but you don't ask for a chair when you stand - so it's at least partly psychosomatic. That says the original circumstances of the injury were traumatic - wounded in action then. Wounded inaction, suntan - Afghanistan or Iraq.

John Watson: You said I had a therapist.

Sherlock Holmes: You've got a psychosomatic limp, of course you've got a therapist. Then there's your brother.

John Watson: Mm?

Sherlock Holmes: Your phone. It's expensive, e-mail enabled, MP3 player. And you're looking for a flatshare. You wouldn't buy this - it's a gift. Scratches. Not one, many over time - it's been in the same pocket as keys and coins. You wouldn't treat your one luxury item like this, so it's had a previous owner. Next bit's easy. You know it already.

John Watson: The engraving?

Sherlock Holmes: Harry Watson. Clearly a family member who's given you his old phone. Not your father, this is a young man's gadget. Could be a cousin, but you're a war hero who can't find a place to live - unlikely you've got an extended family, not one you're close to. So brother it is. Now, who's Clara? Three kisses says it's a romantic attachment. The expense of the phone says wife, not girlfriend. Must have given it to him recently, it's only six months old. Marriage in trouble then -six months on he's given it away. If she'd left HIM, he would have kept it. Sentiment. No, he wanted rid of it. He left HER. He gave the phone to you, so he wants you to stay in touch.

You're looking for cheap accommodation, but you're not going to your brother for help - that says you've got problems with him. Maybe you liked his wife, or don't like his drinking.

John Watson: How can you possibly know about the drinking?

Sherlock Holmes: Shot in the dark. Good one, though. Power connection -tiny little scuff marks round it. Every night he plugs it in but his hands are shaking. You never see those marks on a sober man's phone, never see a drunk's without them. There you go, you were right.

John Watson: I was right? Right about what?

Sherlock Holmes: The police don't consult amateurs.

John Watson: That...was amazing.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you think so?

John Watson: Of course it was. It was extraordinary, it was quite extraordinary.

Sherlock Holmes: That's not what people normally say.

John Watson: What do people normally say?

Sherlock Holmes: Piss off!

 

Sherlock Holmes: Did I get anything wrong?

John Watson: Harry and me don't get on, never have, Clara and Harry split up three months ago and they're getting a divorce, and Harry is a drinker.

Sherlock Holmes: Spot on, then. I didn't expect to be right about everything.

John Watson: Harry's short for Harriet.

Sherlock Holmes: Harry's your sister.

John Watson: Look, what exactly am I supposed to be doing here?

Sherlock Holmes: Sister!

John Watson: No - seriously, what am I doing here?

Sherlock Holmes: There's always something.

Sally Donovan: Hello, freak!

Sherlock Holmes: I'm here to see Detective Inspector Lestrade.

Sally Donovan: Why?

Sherlock Holmes: I was invited.

Sally Donovan: Why?

Sherlock Holmes: I think he wants me to take a look.

Sally Donovan: Well, you know what I think, don't you?

Sherlock Holmes: Always Sally. I even know you didn't make it home last night.

Sally Donovan: I don't... Who's this?

Sherlock Holmes: Colleague of mine, Dr. Watson. Dr. Watson, Sergeant Sally Donovan. Old friend.

Sally Donovan: A colleague? How do YOU get a colleague? Did he follow you home?

John Watson: Would it be better if I just waited...

Sherlock Holmes: No.

Sally Donovan: Freak's here. Bringing him in.

Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Anderson. Here we are again.

Anderson: It's a crime scene. I don't want it contaminated. Are we clear on that?

Sherlock Holmes: Quite clear. And is your wife away for long?

Anderson: Oh, don't pretend you worked that out. Somebody told you that.

Sherlock Holmes: Your deodorant told me that.

Anderson: My deodorant?

Sherlock Holmes: It's for men.

Anderson: Well, of course It's for men. I'm wearing it.

Sherlock Holmes: So's Sergeant Donovan. Ooh... I think it just vaporised. May I go in?

Anderson: Whatever you're trying to imply...

Sherlock Holmes: I'm not implying anything. I'm sure Sally came round for a nice little chat, and just happened to stay over. And I assume she scrubbed your floors, going by the state of her knees.

 

Sherlock Holmes: You'll need to wear one of these.

Lestrade: Who's this?

Sherlock Holmes: He's with me.

Lestrade: But who is he?

Sherlock Holmes: I said he's with me.

John Watson: Aren't you going to put one on?

Sherlock Holmes: So where are we?

Lestrade: Upstairs.

 

Lestrade: I can give you two minutes.

Sherlock Holmes: May need longer.

Lestrade: Her name's Jennifer Wilson according to her credit cards, we're running them now for contact details. Hasn't been here long. Some kids found her.

Sherlock Holmes: Shut up.

Lestrade: I didn't say anything.

Sherlock Holmes: You were thinking. It's annoying.

Lestrade: Got anything?

Sherlock Holmes: Not much.

Anderson: She's German. Rache. It's German for revenge. She could be trying to tell us something...

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, thank you for your input.

Lestrade: So she's German?

Sherlock Holmes: Of course she's not. She's from out of town though. Intended to stay in London for one night before returning home to Cardiff. So far, so obvious.

John Watson: Sorry. obvious?

Lestrade: What about the message though?

Sherlock Holmes: Dr. Watson, what do you think?

John Watson: Of the message?

Sherlock Holmes: Of the body. You're a medical man.

Lestrade: We have a whole team right outside.

Sherlock Holmes: They won't work with me.

Lestrade: I'm breaking every rule letting YOU in here...

Sherlock Holmes: Yes... because you need me.

Lestrade: Yes, I do. God help me.

Sherlock Holmes: Dr. Watson!

John Watson: Hm?

Lestrade: Oh, do as he says. Help yourself. Anderson, keep everyone out for a couple of minutes...

John Watson: Well? What am I doing here?

Sherlock Holmes: Helping me make a point.

John Watson: I'm supposed to be helping you pay the rent.

Sherlock Holmes: This is more fun.

John Watson: Fun? There's a woman lying dead.

Sherlock Holmes: Perfectly sound analysis, but I was hoping you'd go deeper.

John Watson: Yeah... Asphyxiation, probably. Passed out, choked on her own vomit. Can't smell any alcohol on her. It could have been a seizure. Possibly drugs.

Sherlock Holmes: You know what it was, you've read the papers.

John Watson: Well, she's one of the suicides. The fourth...?

Lestrade: Sherlock - two minutes, I said, I need anything you got.

Sherlock Holmes: Victim is in her late 30s. Professional person, going by her clothes - I'm guessing the media, going by the frankly alarming shade of pink. Travelled from Cardiff today intending to stay in London one night from the size of her suitcase.

Lestrade: Suitcase?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes. She's been married at least ten years, but not happily. She's had a string of lovers but none of them knew she was married.

Lestrade: Oh, for God's sake, if you're just making this up...

Sherlock Holmes: Her wedding ring. Ten years old at least. The rest of her jewellery has been regularly cleaned, but not her wedding ring. The inside is shinier than the outside. The only polishing it gets is when she works it off her finger. It's not for work, look at her nails. She doesn't work with her hands so who does she remove her rings for? Not ONE lover, she'd never sustain the fiction of being single for that long so more likely a string of them.

John Watson: Brilliant. Sorry.

Lestrade: Cardiff?

Sherlock Holmes: It's obvious, isn't it?

John Watson: It's not obvious to me.

Sherlock Holmes: Dear God, what is it like in your funny little brains, it must be so boring. Her coat - it's slightly damp, she's been in heavy rain the last few hours - no rain anywhere in London in that time. Under her coat collar is damp too. She's turned it up against the wind. She's got an umbrella in her pocket but it's dry and unused. Not just wind, strong wind -too strong to use her umbrella. We know from her suitcase that she was intending to stay overnight but she can't have travelled more than two or three hours because her coat still hasn't dried. So - where has there been heavy rain and strong wind within the radius of that travel time? Cardiff.

John Watson: Fantastic.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you know you do that out loud?

John Watson: Sorry, I'll shut up.

Sherlock Holmes: No, it's...fine.

Lestrade: Why do you keep saying suitcase?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, where is it? She must have had a phone or an organiser. Find out who Rachel is.

Lestrade: She was writing Rachel?

Sherlock Holmes: No, she was leaving an angry note in German - of course she was writing Rachel, no other word it can be. Why did she wait until she was dying to write it?

Lestrade: How do you know she had a suitcase?

Sherlock Holmes: Tiny splash marks on her right heel and calf not present on the left. She was dragging a wheeled suitcase behind her with her right hand, by that splash pattern. Smallish case, going by the spread. Case that size, woman this clothes-conscious - could only be an overnight bag so we know she was staying one night. Where is it, what have you done with it?

Lestrade: There wasn't a case.

Sherlock Holmes: Say that again.

Lestrade: There wasn't a case. There was never any suitcase.

Sherlock Holmes: Suitcase! Did anyone find a suitcase? Was there a suitcase in this house?

Lestrade: Sir, there was no case!

Sherlock Holmes: But they take the poison themselves, swallow the pills. There are clear signs, even you lot couldn't miss them.

Lestrade: Right, thanks. And...?

Sherlock Holmes: It's murder, all of them. I don't know how. But they're not suicides, they're serial killings. We've got a serial killer. There's always something to look forward to.

Lestrade: Why are you saying that?

Sherlock Holmes: Her case! Come on, where is her case? Did she eat it? Someone else was here, and they took her case. So the killer must have driven here. Forgot the case was in the car.

John Watson: She could have checked into a hotel, left it there.

Sherlock Holmes: No, look at her hair. She colour-coordinates her lipstick and her shoes. She'd never have left any hotel with her hair still looking... Oh... Oh!

John Watson: Sherlock?

Lestrade: What is it, what?

Sherlock Holmes: Serial killers, always hard. You have to wait for them to make a mistake.

Lestrade: We can't just wait!

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, we're done waiting. Look at her, really look! Houston, we have a mistake. Get on to Cardiff. Find out who Jennifer Wilson's family and friends were. Find Rachel!

Lestrade: Of course, yeah - but what mistake?!

Sherlock Holmes: Pink!

Anderson: Let's get on with it...

 

Sally Donovan: He's gone.

John Watson: Who, Sherlock Holmes?

Sally Donovan: Yeah, he just took off. He does that.

John Watson: Is he coming back?

Sally Donovan: Didn't look like it.

John Watson: Right. Right... Yes. Sorry, where am I?

Sally Donovan: Brixton.

John Watson: Do you know where I could get a cab? It's just er... well - my leg.

Sally Donovan: Er... ..try the main road.

John Watson: Thanks.

Sally Donovan: But you're not his friend. He doesn't HAVE friends. So who are you?

John Watson: I'm...I'm nobody. I just met him.

Sally Donovan: OK, bit of advice then. Stay away from that guy.

John Watson: Why?

Sally Donovan: You know why he's here? He's not paid or anything. He likes it. He gets off on it. The weirder the crime, the more he gets off. And you know what...? One day just showing up won't be enough. One day we'll be standing round a body and he'll be the one that put it there.

John Watson: Why would he do that?

Sally Donovan: Because he's a psychopath. Psychopaths get bored.

Lestrade: Donovan!

Sally Donovan: Coming. Stay away from Sherlock Holmes.

 

John Watson: Taxi! Taxi...

John Watson: Hello?

Man: There is a security camera on the building to your left. Do you see it?

John Watson: Who's this? Who's speaking?

Man: Do you see the camera, Dr. Watson?

John Watson: Yeah, I see it.

Man: Watch... There is another camera on the building opposite you. Do you see it?' And finally, at the top of the building on your right.

John Watson: How are you doing this?

Man: Get into the car, Dr. Watson. I would make some sort of threat, but I'm sure your situation is quite clear to you.

 

John Watson: Hello.

Anthea: Hi.

John Watson: What's your name, then?

Anthea: Er... Anthea.

John Watson: Is that your real name?

Anthea: No.

John Watson: I'm John.

Anthea: Yes. I know.

John Watson: Any point in asking...where I'm going?

Anthea: None at all... John.

John Watson: OK.

 

Man: Have a seat, John.

John Watson: You know, I've got a phone. I mean, very clever and all that, but er... you could just phone me. On my phone.

Man: When one is avoiding the attention of Sherlock Holmes, one learns to be discreet, hence this place. Your leg must be hurting you. Sit down.

John Watson: I don't want to sit down.

Man: You don't seem very afraid.

John Watson: You don't seem very frightening.

Man: Yes... The bravery of the soldier. Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don't you think? What is your connection to Sherlock Holmes?

John Watson: I don't have one. I barely know him, I met him... yesterday.

Man: Mmm, and since yesterday you've moved in with him and now you're solving crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?

John Watson: Who are you?

Man: An interested party.

John Watson: Interested in Sherlock? Why? I'm guessing you're not friends.

Man: You've met him. How many friends do you imagine he has? I am the closest thing to a friend that Sherlock Holmes is capable of having.

John Watson: And what's that?

Man: An enemy.

John Watson: An enemy?

Man: In HIS mind, certainly. If you were to ask him, he'd probably say his arch-enemy. He does love to be dramatic.

John Watson: Well, thank God YOU'RE above all that.

[TEXT MESSAGE] Baker Street. Come at once if convenient. SH

Man: I hope I'm not distracting you.

John Watson: Not distracting me at all.

Man: Do you plan to continue your association with Sherlock Holmes?

John Watson: I could be wrong... but I think that's none of your business.

Man: It could be.

John Watson: It really couldn't.

Man: If you do move into, erm... 221B Baker Street, I'd be happy to pay you a meaningful sum of money on a regular basis to ease your way.

John Watson: Why?

Man: Because you're not a wealthy man.

John Watson: In exchange for what?

Man: Information. Nothing indiscreet. Nothing you'd feel...uncomfortable with. Just tell me what he's up to.

John Watson: Why?

Man: I worry about him. Constantly.

John Watson: That's nice of you.

Man: But I would prefer for various reasons that my concern go unmentioned, we have what you might call a... difficult relationship.

[TEXT MESSAGE] If inconvenient, come anyway. SH

John Watson: No.

Man: But I haven't mentioned a figure.

John Watson: Don't bother.

Man: You're very loyal VERY quickly.

John Watson: No, I'm not, I'm just not interested.

Man: "Trust issues"...it says here.

John Watson: What's that?

Man: Could it be that you've decided to trust Sherlock Holmes of all people?

John Watson: Who says I trust him?

Man: You don't seem the kind to make friends easily.

John Watson: Are we done?

Man: You tell me. I imagine people have already warned you to stay away from him, but I can see from your left hand that's not going to happen.

John Watson: My what?

Man: Show me.

John Watson: Don't...

Man: Remarkable.

John Watson: What is?

Man: Most people... blunder round this city, and all they see are streets and shops and cars. When you walk with Sherlock Holmes, you see the battlefield. You've seen it already. Haven't you?

John Watson: What's wrong with my hand?

Man: You have an intermittent tremor in your left hand. Your therapist thinks it's post-traumatic stress disorder. She thinks you're haunted by memories of your military service.

John Watson: Who the hell are you? How do you know that?

Man: Fire her. She's got it the wrong way round. You're under stress right now and your hand is perfectly steady. You're not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson... You miss it. Welcome back. Time to choose a side, Dr. Watson.

Anthea: I'm to take you home.

[TEXT MESSAGE] Could be dangerous. SH

Anthea: Address?

John Watson: Er, Baker Street. 221B Baker Street. But I need to stop off somewhere first.

 

John Watson: Listen, your boss. Any chance you could not tell him this is where I went?

Anthea: Sure.

John Watson: You've told him already, haven't you?

Anthea: Yeah.

John Watson: Hey erm... do you ever get any free time?

Anthea: Oh, yeah. Lots. Bye...

John Watson: OK.

 

John Watson: What are you doing?

Sherlock Holmes: Nicotine patch. Helps me think. Impossible to sustain a smoking habit in London these days. Bad news for brain work.

John Watson: It's good news for breathing.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh... Breathing! Breathing's boring.

John Watson: Is that...three patches?

Sherlock Holmes: It's a three-patch problem.

John Watson: Well...? You asked me to come, I'm assuming it's important.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh - yeah, of course. Can I borrow your phone?

John Watson: My phone?

Sherlock Holmes: Always a chance that my number will be recognised. It's on the website.

John Watson: Mrs. Hudson's got a phone.

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, she's downstairs. I tried shouting but she didn't hear.

John Watson: I was the other side of London...

Sherlock Holmes: There was no hurry.

John Watson: Here... So what's this about - the case?

Sherlock Holmes: Her case...

John Watson: HER case?

Sherlock Holmes: Her suitcase, yes, obviously. The murderer took her suitcase, first big mistake.

John Watson: OK, he took her case. So?

Sherlock Holmes: It's no use, there's no other way. We'll have to risk it. On my desk there's a number. I want you to send a text.

John Watson: You've brought me here...to send a text.

Sherlock Holmes: Text, yes. The number on my desk. What's wrong?

John Watson: Just met a friend of yours.

Sherlock Holmes: A friend?

John Watson: An enemy.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh. Which one?

John Watson: Well, your arch-enemy, according to him. Do people have arch-enemies?

Sherlock Holmes: Did he offer you money to spy on me?

John Watson: Yes.

Sherlock Holmes: Did you take it?

John Watson: No.

Sherlock Holmes: Pity, we could have split the fee. Think it through next time.

John Watson: Who is he?

Sherlock Holmes: The most dangerous man you've ever met, and not my problem right now.

On my desk, the number!

John Watson: Jennifer Wilson. That was... Hang on. Wasn't that the dead woman?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes. That's not important. Just enter the number. Are you doing it?

John Watson: Yes.

Sherlock Holmes: Have you done it?

John Watson: Yeah - hang on!

Sherlock Holmes: These words exactly. "What happened at Lauriston Gardens? I must have blacked out. 22 Northumberland Street, please come."

John Watson: You blacked out?

Sherlock Holmes: What? No... No! Type and send it. Quickly. Have you sent it?

John Watson: What's the address?

Sherlock Holmes: 22 Northumberland Street. Hurry up!

John Watson: That's... That's the pink lady's case, that's Jennifer Wilson's case.

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, obviously. Oh, perhaps I should mention -I didn't kill her.

John Watson: I never said you did.

Sherlock Holmes: Why not? Given that text and the fact I have her case it's a perfectly logical assumption.

John Watson: Do people usually assume you're the murderer?

Sherlock Holmes: Now and then, yes.

John Watson: OK... How did you get this?

Sherlock Holmes: By looking.

John Watson: Where?

Sherlock Holmes: The killer must have driven her to Lauriston Gardens. He could only keep her case by accident if it was in the car. Nobody could be seen with this case without drawing attention - particularly a man, which is statistically more likely. So obviously he'd feel compelled to get rid of it. Wouldn't have taken him more than five minutes to realise his mistake. I checked every backstreet wide enough for a car five minutes from Lauriston Gardens, and anywhere you could dispose of a bulky object without being observed. Took me less than an hour to find the right skip.

John Watson: Pink. You got all that because you realised the case would be pink?

Sherlock Holmes: It had to be pink, obviously.

John Watson: Why didn't I think of that?

Sherlock Holmes: Because you're an idiot. No, no, no, don't look like that. Practically everyone is. Now, look. Do you see what's missing?

John Watson: From the case? How could I?

Sherlock Holmes: Her phone. Where's her mobile phone? There was no phone on the body, there's no phone in the case. We know she had one. You just texted it.

John Watson: Maybe she left it at home.

Sherlock Holmes: She has a string of lovers and she's careful about it. She never leaves her phone at home.

John Watson: Er... Why did I just send that text?

Sherlock Holmes: Well, the question is where is her phone NOW?

John Watson: She could have lost it.

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, or?

John Watson: The murderer... You think the murderer has the phone?

Sherlock Holmes: Maybe she... left it when she left her case. Maybe he took it from her for some reason. Either way, the balance of probability is the murderer has her phone.

John Watson: Sorry... what are we doing -did I just text a murderer? What good will that do?

Sherlock Holmes: A few hours after his last victim, and now he receives a text that can only be from her. If somebody had just found that phone they'd ignore a text like that, but the murderer... would panic.

John Watson: Have you talked to the police?

Sherlock Holmes: Four people are dead, there isn't time.

John Watson: So why are you talking to ME?

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson took my skull.

John Watson: So I'm basically filling in for your skull?

Sherlock Holmes: Relax, you're doing fine. Well?

John Watson: Well, what?

Sherlock Holmes: Well - you could just sit there and...watch telly.

John Watson: What, you want me to come with you?

Sherlock Holmes: I like company when I go out, and I think better when I talk aloud. The skull just attracts attention, so... Problem?

John Watson: Yeah, Sergeant Donovan.

Sherlock Holmes: What about her?

John Watson: She said... you get off on this. You enjoy it.

Sherlock Holmes: And I said "dangerous", and here you are.

John Watson: Damn it!

 

John Watson: Where are we going?

Sherlock Holmes: Northumberland Street's a five-minute walk from here.

John Watson: You think he's stupid enough to go there?

Sherlock Holmes: No - I think he's brilliant enough. I love the brilliant ones. They're all so desperate to get caught.

John Watson: Why?

Sherlock Holmes: Appreciation! Applause! At long last the spotlight. That's the frailty of genius, John, it needs an audience.

John Watson: Yeah.

Sherlock Holmes: This is his hunting ground. Right here in the heart of the city. Now that we know his victims were abducted, that changes everything. Because all of his victims disappeared from busy streets, crowded places, but nobody saw them go. Think! Who do we trust, even though we don't know them? Who passes unnoticed wherever they go? Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?

John Watson: Don't know. Who?

Sherlock Holmes: Haven't the faintest. Hungry?

 

Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, Billy. 22 Northumberland Street. Keep your eyes on it.

John Watson: He's not just going to ring the doorbell. He'd need to be mad.

Sherlock Holmes: He has killed four people.

John Watson: OK.

Angelo: Sherlock! Anything on the menu, whatever you want, free. On the house, for you and for your date.

Sherlock Holmes: Do you want to eat?

John Watson: I'm not his date.

Angelo: This man got me off a murder charge.

Sherlock Holmes: This is Angelo. Three years ago I proved to Lestrade at the time of a particularly vicious triple murder that Angelo was elsewhere, house-breaking.

Angelo: He cleared my name.

Sherlock Holmes: I cleared it a bit. Anything happening opposite?

Angelo: Nothing. But for this man, I'd have gone to prison.

Sherlock Holmes: You did go to prison.

Angelo: I'll get a candle for the table. It's more romantic.

John Watson: I'm not his date!

Sherlock Holmes: You may as well eat. We might have a long wait.

John Watson: Thanks. People don't have arch-enemies.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm sorry?

John Watson: In real life. There are no arch-enemies in real life. Doesn't happen.

Sherlock Holmes: Doesn't it? Sounds a bit dull.

John Watson: So who did I meet?

Sherlock Holmes: What do real people have, then, in their..."Real lives"?

John Watson: Friends? People they know, people they like, people they don't like... Girlfriends, boyfriends.

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, well, as I was saying - dull.

John Watson: You don't have a girlfriend, then.

Sherlock Holmes: Girlfriend? No, not really my area.

John Watson: Mm. Oh, right. Do you have a...boyfriend? Which is fine, by the way.

Sherlock Holmes: I know it's fine.

John Watson: So you've got a boyfriend then.

Sherlock Holmes: No.

John Watson: Right. OK. You're unattached. Like me. Fine. Good.

Sherlock Holmes: John, erm... I think you should know that I consider myself married to my work,

and while I'm flattered, I'm really not looking for any...

John Watson: No, I'm...not asking. No. I'm just saying, it's all fine.

Sherlock Holmes: Good. Thank you. Look across the street. Taxi. It's stopped. Nobody getting in, and nobody getting out. Why a taxi? Oh, that's clever. Is it clever? Why is it clever?

John Watson: That's him.

Sherlock Holmes: Don't stare.

John Watson: You're staring.

Sherlock Holmes: We can't both stare.

 

John Watson: Sorry... I've got the cab number.

Sherlock Holmes: Good for you. Right turn, one way, roadworks, traffic lights, bus lane, pedestrian crossing, left turn only, traffic lights.

John Watson: Sorry.

Sherlock Holmes: Come on, John... Come on, John. We're losing him! This way. No- THIS way!

John Watson: Sorry.

Sherlock Holmes: Police! Open her up. No... Teeth, tan. What- Californian...? LA, Santa Monica. Just arrived.

John Watson: How could you possibly know that?

Sherlock Holmes: The luggage. Probably your first trip to London, right? Going by your final destination and the cabbie's route.

Passenger: Sorry - are you guys the police?

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. Everything all right?

Passenger: Yeah.

Sherlock Holmes: Welcome to London.

John Watson: Er, any problems- just let us know. Basically just a cab that happened to slow down.

Sherlock Holmes: Basically.

John Watson: Not the murderer.

Sherlock Holmes: Not the murderer, no.

John Watson: Wrong country, good alibi.

Sherlock Holmes: As they go.

John Watson: Hey, where did you get this? Detective Inspector Lestrade?

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah. I pickpocket him when he's annoying. You can keep that one, I've got plenty at the flat. What?

John Watson: Nothing, just..."Welcome to London".

Sherlock Holmes: Got your breath back?

John Watson: Ready when you are.

 

John Watson: OK... That was ridiculous. That was the most ridiculous thing... I've ever done.

Sherlock Holmes: And you invaded Afghanistan.

John Watson: That wasn't just me. Why aren't we back at the restaurant?

Sherlock Holmes: They can keep an eye out. It was a long shot anyway.

John Watson: So what were we doing there?

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, just passing the time. And proving a point.

John Watson: What point?

Sherlock Holmes: You. Mrs. Hudson! Dr. Watson WILL take the room upstairs.

John Watson: Says who?

Sherlock Holmes: Says the man at the door.

 

Angelo: Sherlock texted me. He said you forgot this.

John Watson: Ah... Er, thank you. Thank you.

 

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock, what have you done?

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson?

Mrs. Hudson: Upstairs.

 

Sherlock Holmes: What are you doing?

Lestrade: Well, I knew you'd find the case, I'm not stupid.

Sherlock Holmes: You can't just break into my flat.

Lestrade: You can't withhold evidence -and I didn't break in flat.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, what do you call this then?

Lestrade: It's a drugs bust.

John Watson: Seriously? This guy - a junkie? Have you met him?

Sherlock Holmes: John...

John Watson: You could search this flat all day, you wouldn't find anything you could call recreational.

Sherlock Holmes: John, you probably want to shut up now.

John Watson: But come on... No...

Sherlock Holmes: What?

John Watson: You?

Sherlock Holmes: Shut up! I'm not your sniffer dog.

Lestrade: No, Anderson's my sniffer dog.

Sherlock Holmes: What? Anderson, what are YOU doing here on a drugs bust?

Anderson: Oh, I volunteered.

Lestrade: They all did. They're not strictly speaking ON the drug squad, but they're very keen.

Sally Donovan: Are these human eyes?

Sherlock Holmes: Put those back!

Sally Donovan: They were in the microwave.

Sherlock Holmes: It's an experiment.

Lestrade: Keep looking, guys. Or you could help us properly and I'll stand them down.

Sherlock Holmes: This is childish.

Lestrade: Well, I'm dealing with a child. Sherlock, this is our case. I'm letting you in, but you do not go off on your own. Clear?

Sherlock Holmes: What - so you set up a pretend drugs bust to bully me?

Lestrade: It stops being pretend if we find anything.

Sherlock Holmes: I am clean!

Lestrade: Is your flat...? All of it?

Sherlock Holmes: Don't even smoke.

Lestrade: Neither do I. So let's work together. We've found Rachel.

Sherlock Holmes: Who is she?

Lestrade: Jennifer Wilson's only daughter.

Sherlock Holmes: Her daughter? Why would she write her daughter's name? Why?

Anderson: Never mind that, we found the case. According to SOMEONE the murderer has the case, and we found it in the hands of our favourite psychopath.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm a high-functioning sociopath. Do your research. You need to bring Rachel in and I need to question her.

Lestrade: She's dead.

Sherlock Holmes: Excellent. How, when and why? Is there a connection? There has to be.

Lestrade: Well, I doubt it, since she's been dead for 14 years. Technically she was never alive. Rachel was Jennifer Wilson's stillborn daughter, 14 years ago.

Sherlock Holmes: No, that's... that's not right. How... Why would she do that? Why?

Anderson: Why would she think of her daughter in her last moments? Yup -sociopath, I'm seeing it now.

Sherlock Holmes: She didn't think about her daughter. She scratched her name on the floor with her fingernails. She was dying. It took effort, it would have hurt.

John Watson: You said that the victims all took the poison themselves, that he MAKES them take it - well, maybe he...I don't know, talks to them. Maybe he used the death of her daughter somehow.

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, but that was ages ago. Why would she still be upset? Not good?

John Watson: Bit not good, yeah.

Sherlock Holmes: If you were dying... If you'd been murdered - in your very last few seconds what would you say?

John Watson: "Please, God, let me live."

Sherlock Holmes: Use your imagination!

John Watson: I don't have to.

Sherlock Holmes: Yeah, but if you were clever... Jennifer Wilson running all those lovers- she WAS clever. She's trying to tell us something.

Mrs. Hudson: Isn't the doorbell working? Your taxi's here, Sherlock.

Sherlock Holmes: I didn't order a taxi. Go away.

Mrs. Hudson: Oh, dear. They're making such a mess. What are they looking for?

Sherlock Holmes: It's a drugs bust, Mrs. Hudson.

Mrs. Hudson: But they're just for my hip. They're herbal soothers...

Sherlock Holmes: Shut up everybody, SHUT UP! Don't move. Don't speak. Don't breathe. I'm trying to think. Anderson, face the other way. You're putting me off.

Anderson: What? My face is?

Lestrade: Everybody quiet and still. Anderson, turn your back.

Anderson: Oh, for God's sake!

Lestrade: Your back, now, please!

Sherlock Holmes: Come on, think. Quick!

Mrs. Hudson: What about your taxi?

Sherlock Holmes: MRS. HUDSON! Oh... Ah! She was clever. Clever, yes! She's cleverer than you lot and she's dead. Do you see, do you get it? She didn't lose her phone, she never lost it. She PLANTED it on him. When she got out of the car, she knew that she was going to her death. She left the phone in order to lead us to her killer.

Lestrade: But how?

Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean, how? Rachel! Don't you see? Rachel! Oh... Look at you lot. You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing. Rachel is not a name.

John Watson: Then what is it?

Sherlock Holmes: John - on the luggage, there's a label. E-mail address.

John Watson: Er, jennie.pink@mephone.org.uk.

Sherlock Holmes: She didn't have a laptop, which means she did her business on her phone. A smartphone, it's e-mail enabled. So there was a website for her account. The username is her e-mail address -and all together, the password is?

John Watson: Rachel.

Anderson: So we can read her e-mails. So what?

Sherlock Holmes: Anderson, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street. We can do much more than that. It's a smartphone, it's got GPS. Which means if you lose it you can locate it online. She's leading us directly to the man who killed her.

Lestrade: Unless he got rid of it.

John Watson: We know he didn't.

Sherlock Holmes: Come on, come on. Quickly!

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock, dear. This taxi driver...

Sherlock Holmes: Mrs. Hudson, isn't it time for your evening soother? Get vehicles, get a helicopter. This phone battery won't last forever.

Lestrade: We'll just have a map reference, not a name.

Sherlock Holmes: It's a start!

John Watson: Sherlock...

Sherlock Holmes: Narrows it down from just anyone in London. It's the first proper lead that we've had.

John Watson: Sherlock...

Sherlock Holmes: Where is it? Quickly, where?

John Watson: Here. It's... in 221 Baker Street.

Sherlock Holmes: How can it be here? How?

Lestrade: Maybe it was in the case when you brought it back and it... fell out somewhere.

Sherlock Holmes: What, and I didn't notice it? Me - I didn't notice?

John Watson: Anyway, we texted him and he called back.

Lestrade: Guys, we're also looking for a mobile somewhere here, belonged to the victim...

Sherlock Holmes: 'Who do we trust, even if we don't know them? Who passes unnoticed wherever they go? Who hunts in the middle of a crowd?'

[TEXT MESSAGE] COME WITH ME

John Watson: Sherlock, you OK?

Sherlock Holmes: What? Yeah, yeah... I'm fine.

John Watson: So, how can the phone be here?

Sherlock Holmes: Don't know.

John Watson: I'll try it again.

Sherlock Holmes: Good idea.

John Watson: Where are you going?

Sherlock Holmes: Fresh air, just popping outside for a moment. Won't be long.

John Watson: You sure you're all right?

Sherlock Holmes: I'm fine.

 

Cabbie: Taxi for Sherlock Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: I didn't order a taxi.

Cabbie: Doesn't mean you don't need one.

Sherlock Holmes: You're the cabbie. The one who stopped outside Northumberland Street. It was you. Not your passenger.

Cabbie: See? No-one ever thinks about the cabbie. It's like you're invisible. Just the back of an 'ead. Proper advantage for a serial killer.

Sherlock Holmes: Is this a confession?

Cabbie: Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what else... If you call the coppers now, I won't run. I'll sit quiet and they can take me down, I promise.

Sherlock Holmes: Why?

Cabbie: Because you're not going to do that.

Sherlock Holmes: Am I not?

Cabbie: I didn't kill those four people, Mr. Holmes. I spoke to 'em... and they killed themselves. If you get the coppers now, I'll promise you one thing. I will never tell you what I said.

Sherlock Holmes: No-one else will die, though, and I believe they call that a result.

Cabbie: And you won't ever understand how those people died. What kind of result do you care about?

Sherlock Holmes: If I wanted to understand... what would I do?

Cabbie: Let me take you for a ride.

Sherlock Holmes: So you can kill me too?

Cabbie: I don't want to kill you, Mr. Holmes. I'm going to talk to ya... and then you're going to kill yourself.

 

John Watson: He just got in a cab... It's Sherlock. He just drove off in a cab.

Sally Donovan: I told you, he does that. He bloody left again. We're wasting our time!

John Watson: I'm...calling the phone, it's ringing out.

Lestrade: And if it's ringing, it's not here.

John Watson: I'll try the search again.

Sally Donovan: Does it matter? Does any of it? He's just a lunatic, and he'll always let you down. And you're wasting your time. All our time.

Lestrade: OK, everybody... done here.

 

Sherlock Holmes: How did you find me?

Cabbie: Oh, I recognised ya. Soon as I saw you chasing my cab. Sherlock Holmes! I was warned about you. I've been on your website, too. Brilliant stuff! Loved it.

Sherlock Holmes: Who warned you about me?

Cabbie: Just someone out there who's noticed.

Sherlock Holmes: Who? Who would notice me?

Cabbie: You're too modest, Mr. Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm really not.

Cabbie: Got yourself a fan.

Sherlock Holmes: Tell me more.

Cabbie: That's all you're going to know. In THIS lifetime.

 

Lestrade: Why did he do that? Why did he have to leave?

John Watson: You know him better than I do.

Lestrade: I've known him for five years - and no, I don't.

John Watson: So why do you put up with him?

Lestrade: Because I'm desperate, that's why. And because Sherlock Holmes is a great man and I think one day, if we're very, very lucky, he might even be a good one.

 

Sherlock Holmes: Where are we?

Cabbie: You know every street in London. You know exactly where we are.

Sherlock Holmes: Roland-Kerr Further Education College. Why here?

Cabbie: It's open. Cleaners are in. One thing about being a cabbie - you always know a nice quiet spot for a murder. I'm surprised more of us don't branch out.

Sherlock Holmes: And you just walk your victims in? How? Oh... Dull.

Cabbie: Don't worry. It gets better.

Sherlock Holmes: You can't make people take their own lives at gunpoint.

Cabbie: I don't. It's much better than that. Don't need this with you. Because you'll follow me.

 

Cabbie: Well, what do you think? It's up to you. You're the one who's going to die here.

Sherlock Holmes: No, I'm not.

Cabbie: That's what they all say. Shall we talk?

Sherlock Holmes: Bit risky, wasn't it? Took me away under the eye of about half a dozen policemen. They're not that stupid. And Mrs. Hudson will remember you.

Cabbie: You call that a risk? Nah... THIS is a risk. Oh, I like this bit. Cos you don't get it yet, do ya?

But you're about to. I just have to do this… Weren't expecting that, were ya? Oh, you're going to love this.

Sherlock Holmes: Love what?

Cabbie: Sherlock Holmes! Look at you! Here in the flesh. That website of yours, your fan told me about it.

Sherlock Holmes: My fan?

Cabbie: You are brilliant. You are a proper genius. The Science of Deduction. Now, that... is proper thinking. Between you and me sitting here, why can't people think? Don't it make you mad? Why can't people just think?

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I see... So you're a proper genius too.

Cabbie: Don't look it, do I? Funny little man driving a cab. But you'll know better in a minute. Chances are it'll be the last thing you EVER know.

Sherlock Holmes: OK, two bottles. Explain.

Cabbie: There's a good bottle and a bad bottle. You take the pill from the good bottle, you live. You take the pill from the bad bottle... you die.

Sherlock Holmes: Both bottles are of course identical.

Cabbie: In every way.

Sherlock Holmes: And you know which is which.

Cabbie: Of course I know.

Sherlock Holmes: But I don't.

Cabbie: Wouldn't be a game if you knew. You're the one who chooses.

Sherlock Holmes: Why should I? I've got nothing to go on. What's in it for me?

Cabbie: I haven't told you the best bit yet. Whatever bottle YOU choose, I take the pill from the other one. And then together... we take our medicine. I won't cheat. It's your choice. I'll take whatever pill you don't. Didn't expect that, did you, Mr. Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: This is what you did to the rest of them - you gave them a choice?

Cabbie: And now I'm giving you one. You take your time. Get yourself together. I want your best game.

Sherlock Holmes: It's not a game, It's chance.

Cabbie: I've played four times. I'm alive. It's not chance, Mr. Holmes, it's chess. It's a game of chess, with one move... and one survivor. And this- this... is the move. Did I just give you the good bottle or the bad bottle? You can choose either one.

 

John Watson: No, Detective Inspector Lestrade - I need to speak to him. It's important. It's an emergency. Er, left here, please. Left here.

 

Cabbie: You ready yet, Mr. Holmes? Ready to play?

Sherlock Holmes: Play what? It's a 50:50 chance.

Cabbie: You're not playing the numbers, you're playing ME. Did I just give you the good pillor the bad pill? Is it a bluff, or a double bluff? Or a triple bluff?

Sherlock Holmes: It's still just chance.

Cabbie: Four people, in a row? It's not chance.

Sherlock Holmes: Luck.

Cabbie: It's genius! I know how people think. I know how people think I think. I can see it all like a map inside my head. Everyone's so stupid, even you. Or maybe God just loves me.

Sherlock Holmes: Either way, you're wasted as a cabbie. So... You risked your life four times just to kill strangers? Why?

Cabbie: Time to play.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I am playing. This is my turn. There's shaving foam behind your left ear. Nobody's pointed it out to you. Traces of where it's happened before, so obviously you live on your own - there's no-one to tell you. But there's a photograph of children. Their mother's been cut out. If she'd died, she'd still be there. The photograph's old, but the frame's new. You think of your children, but you don't get to see them. Estranged father. She took the kids, but you still love them and it still hurts. Ah, but there's more. Your clothes. Recently laundered, but everything you're wearing is at least... three years old? Keeping up appearances, but not planning ahead. And here you are on a kamikaze murder spree. What's that about? Ah... Three years ago. Is that when they told you?

Cabbie: Told me what?

Sherlock Holmes: That you're a dead man walking.

Cabbie: So are you.

Sherlock Holmes: You don't have long, though. Am I right?

Cabbie: Aneurism. Right in 'ere. Any breath could be my last.

Sherlock Holmes: And because you're dying, you've just murdered four people.

Cabbie: I've outlived four people. That's the most fun you can have with an aneurism.

Sherlock Holmes: No... No, there's something else. You didn't just kill four people because you're bitter. Bitterness is a paralytic. Love is a much more vicious motivator. Somehow, this is about your children.

Cabbie: Oh... You are good, in't ya?

Sherlock Holmes: But how?

Cabbie: When I die they won't get much, my kids. Not a lot of money in driving cabs.

Sherlock Holmes: Or serial killing.

Cabbie: You'd be surprised.

Sherlock Holmes: Surprise me.

Cabbie: I have a sponsor.

Sherlock Holmes: You have a what?

Cabbie: For every life I take, money goes to my kids. The more I kill... the better off they'll be. You see? It's nicer than you think.

Sherlock Holmes: Who'd sponsor a serial killer?

Cabbie: Who'd be a fan of Sherlock Holmes? You're not the only one to enjoy a good murder. There's others out there just like you, except you're just a man. And they're so much more than that.

Sherlock Holmes: What do you mean... more than a man? An organisation...? What?

Cabbie: There's a name, that no-one says. And I'm not going to say it either. Now, enough chatter.

Time to choose.

 

John Watson: Sherlock?! Sherlock!

 

Sherlock Holmes: What if I don't choose either? I could just walk out of here.

Cabbie: You can take a 50:50 chance, or I can shoot you in the head. Funnily enough, no-one's ever gone for that option.

Sherlock Holmes: I'll have the gun, please.

Cabbie: Are you sure?

Sherlock Holmes: Definitely. The gun.

Cabbie: You don't want to phone a friend?

Sherlock Holmes: The gun. I know a real gun when I see one.

Cabbie: None of the others did.

Sherlock Holmes: Clearly. Well, this has been very interesting. I look forward to the court case.

Cabbie: Just before you go, did you figure it out? Which one's the good bottle?

Sherlock Holmes: Course. Child's play.

Cabbie: Well, which one, then? Which one would you have picked? Just so I know whether I could have beaten you. Come on! Play the game. Oh! Interesting. So what do you think? Shall we? Really... What do you think? Can you beat me? Are you clever enough... to bet your life?

 

John Watson: SHERLOCK!

 

Cabbie: I bet you get bored, don't you? I know you do. A man like you. So clever. But what's the point of being clever if you can't prove it? Still the addict. But this... this is what you're really addicted to. You'll do anything... anything at all, to stop being bored. You're not bored now, are ya? Isn't it good?

 

Sherlock Holmes: Was I right? I was, wasn't I? Did I get it right?! OK... Tell me this. Your sponsor. Who was it? The one who told you about me, my fan. I want a name.

Cabbie: No...

Sherlock Holmes: You're dying, but there's still time to hurt you. Give me a name. A name! Now. The name!

Cabbie: MORIARTY!

 

Sherlock Holmes: Why have I got this blanket? They keep putting this blanket on me.

Lestrade: Yeah, it's for shock.

Sherlock Holmes: I'm not in shock.

Lestrade: Yeah, but some of the guys want to take photographs.

Sherlock Holmes: So, the shooter. No sign?

Lestrade: Cleared off before we got here. But a guy like that would have had enemies, I suppose. One of them could have been following him, but... we've got nothing to go on.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Lestrade: OK. Give me.

Sherlock Holmes: The bullet they just dugout of the wall's from a handgun. A kill shot over that distance, that's a crack shot. But not just a marksman, a fighter. His hands couldn't have shaken at all so clearly he's acclimatized to violence. He didn't fire until I was in immediate danger though, so strong moral principle. You're looking for a man probably with a history of military service, and... nerves of steel... Actually, do you know what? Ignore me.

Lestrade: Sorry?

Sherlock Holmes: Ignore all of that. It's just the er... the shock talking.

Lestrade: Where are you going?

Sherlock Holmes: I just need to... talk about the rent.

Lestrade: I've still got questions.

Sherlock Holmes: What now? I'm in shock - look, I've got a blanket.

Lestrade: Sherlock!

Sherlock Holmes: And, I just caught you a serial killer... More or less.

Lestrade: OK. We'll pull you in tomorrow, off you go.

 

John Watson: Erm- Sergeant Donovan has just been explaining everything. The two pills... Dreadful business, isn't it? Dreadful.

Sherlock Holmes: Good shot.

John Watson: Yes. Yes, must have been. Through that window.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, you'd know. Need to get the powder burns out of your fingers. I don't suppose you'd serve time for this, but let's avoid the court case. Are you all right?

John Watson: Yes, of course I'm all right.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, you have just killed a man.

John Watson: Yes... That's true, isn't it? But he wasn't a very nice man.

Sherlock Holmes: No. No, he wasn't, really, was he?

John Watson: Frankly a bloody awful cabbie.

Sherlock Holmes: That's true, he was a bad cabbie. You should have seen the route he took us to get here.

John Watson: Stop it! We can't giggle, it's a crime scene. Stop it.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, you're the one who shot him.

John Watson: Keep your voice down. Sorry, it's just erm... nerves, I think.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry.

John Watson: You were going to take that damn pill, weren't you?

Sherlock Holmes: Course I wasn't. Biding my time. Knew you'd turn up.

John Watson: No, you didn't. That's how you get your kicks, isn't it - you risk your life to prove you're clever.

Sherlock Holmes: Why would I do that?

John Watson: Because you're an idiot.

Sherlock Holmes: Dinner?

John Watson: Starving.

Sherlock Holmes: End of Baker Street there's a good Chinese. Stays open till two. You can tell a good Chinese by the bottom third of the door handle.

John Watson: Sherlock... That's him, that's the man I was talking to you about.

Sherlock Holmes: I know exactly who that is.

Man: So... Another case cracked. How very public-spirited. Though that's never really your motivation, is it?

Sherlock Holmes: What are you doing here?

Man: As ever, I'm concerned about you.

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, I've been hearing about your "concern".

Man: Always so aggressive. Did it never occur to you that you and I belong on the same side?

Sherlock Holmes: Oddly enough - no.

Man: We have more in common than you'd like to believe. This petty feud between us is simply childish. People will suffer. And you know how it always upset Mummy.

Sherlock Holmes: I upset her? Me? It wasn't me that upset her, Mycroft.

John Watson: No. No, wait... Mummy? Who's Mummy?

Sherlock Holmes: Mother. Our mother. This is my brother, Mycroft. Putting on weight again?

Mycroft Holmes: Losing it, in fact.

John Watson: He's your brother?

Sherlock Holmes: Course he's my brother.

John Watson: So he's not...

Sherlock Holmes: Not what?

John Watson: I don't know... Criminal mastermind?

Sherlock Holmes: Close enough.

Mycroft Holmes: For goodness' sake. I occupy a minor position in the British government.

Sherlock Holmes: He is the British government, when he's not too busy being the British secret service or the CIA on a freelance basis. Good evening, Mycroft. Try not to start a war before I get home, you know what it does for the traffic.

John Watson: So, when you say you're concerned about him -you actually are concerned?

Mycroft Holmes: Yes, of course.

John Watson: I mean, it actually is a childish feud?

Mycroft Holmes: He's always been so resentful. You can imagine the Christmas dinners.

John Watson: Yeah... No... God, no. I'd better erm... Hello again.

Anthea: Hello.

John Watson: We met earlier on this evening.

Anthea: Oh!

John Watson: OK. Goodnight.

Mycroft Holmes: Goodnight, Dr. Watson.

 

John Watson: So, dim sum. Mmm!

Sherlock Holmes: I can always predict the fortune cookies.

John Watson: No, you can't.

Sherlock Holmes: Almost can. You did get shot, though.

John Watson: Sorry?

Sherlock Holmes: In Afghanistan. There was an actual wound.

John Watson: Oh. Yeah, shoulder.

Sherlock Holmes: Shoulder! I thought so.

John Watson: No, you didn't.

Sherlock Holmes: The left one.

John Watson: Lucky guess.

Sherlock Holmes: I never guess.

John Watson: Yes, you do. What are you so happy about?

Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty.

John Watson: What's Moriarty?

Sherlock Holmes: I've absolutely no idea.

Anthea: Sir, shall we go?

Mycroft Holmes: Interesting, that soldier fellow. He could be the making of my brother... or make him worse than ever. Either way, we'd better upgrade their surveillance status. Grade three active.

Anthea: Sorry, sir. Whose status?

Mycroft Holmes: Sherlock Holmes, and Dr. Watson.

 

 

END.